Manipulation!

Yeah, Manipulation that's right. Right now, my mind is really confused. I don't know WHAT to think anymore!I mean I have always thought I had friends, but I just noticed I don't. I don't have a trace of "cared for" in my feelings. I think my mom got it into me. She told me my BFF was always using me after I told her we had some sort of fight. I haven't gotten into any sort of big fights like this one before with her and I don't know how she'll respond after it's over with. Will she not want me anymore? Will we be back to normal? I really don't no since we are new coming friends, meaning we've been friends for not that long. 10 Months to be exact, and I'm afraid to loose her. I don't have anyone right now. My friends from high school, but THEY have their middle school BFF's and guess wat darling? I don't. Its not that Im not friendly, I basically get along with everyone but the thing is, I haven't found THE friend. All of my previous BFF's have turned out to be a complete disaster. I trust none of them. Oh so back to my "big" fight, my mom says she manipulates me. Manipulate? No way, she would never do that until I started to think about it. She really doesn't want 2 do a whole lot for me. I'm very loyal, a little too loyal for my sake, so if my friends ever need a favor or ask ANYTHING of me, I'll do it if i can. If I cant I try 2 find a way to do it. I want the same response and obviously I'm not getting that back. She hardly ever helps me out and I dont blame her. I dont ask her to do a whole lot of me, as a matter of fact, I have never asked her to do something 4 me. The thing is she gets mad at me 4 everything. EVERYTHING. and usually they dont end up 2 big fights but I have a sort of feeling this one is.........

But that was when I ruled the world....

I know absolutely no one cares about a normal life. NO ONE! Really think about it.Does Paris Hilton ever say,"I wish i was not sticken rich."(Well, Paris Hilton does not think at all but that's not my point) And colleges especially colleges. They don't accept apllication saying,"I have lived a normal life, with a mom and a dad.I'm not poor nor rich but I'm just fine.I haven't had many adventures, but I really wanna go to college!No they certainly do not. And that's what sucks. I'm not a happy-go-lucky gal, and trust me I wish I was. I wish I wasn't down to earth, I wish I was stupid and didn't care. I have to say things in order for the weight to be off my chest. My school life has not been the best. Just hear that I am EAGER to study and have an ordinary school life. In middle school, I did not have a best friend....at all!I wish for that best friend that likes to take dorky pictures with me, go to the mall, is as loyal as I am to her, cares about me, and......WOULD CARE!But of course I see way to many white girls' Myspace and Gossip Girl. I want that friend!I wouldn't have to keep a journal, nevertheless a BLOG!This is it, another ordinary blog. Back in the 3rd garde I basically, ROCKED!Not exactly but if you ask anyone else I was the mean one who everyone knew, aka THE POPULAR SPOILED BRAT.And i miss those days, I didnt care and didnt wanna care. Now I'm paying my price. I have no where to run, and no longer may I have the title as Queen Bee. No way, that reign ended in 6th grade. I was officially dethroned when the fake royalty came in, aka LA QUEEN. I miss having friends that care about me. Course i have plenty of friends but not that i can fully count as BFF's like V. I just met them at the start of high school. They have their old middle school BFF's which I indeed do not. I'm desperate to meet best friends. Guy friends Girl friends i dont care!I just need to wait, like i always have. Wait for them to get over there current "it" people (the people who are the center of the universe for them.)I am no an "it"person, currently. At least not that I know of. I was once, but that was when I ruled the world.